Thursday, August 30, 2018

your presence...



The wind and its furry,
a mighty storm;
uprooting all

The earthquake and its shaking
 everything crumbling;
as it falls

The fires blazing heat
a raging, ravenous,
angry beast

Mighty is
your handiwork;
Powerful indeed...

But, as I stand on the
mountainside,
I realize,
you aren't in the three

 You come like
 a spring shower;
refreshing as the rain

Your voice
 a gentle whisper;
quiet, peaceful refrain

You sing over me
words of solitude; 
a sweet, melodic song;

gently cooing
 as a turtle dove;
all the day long

Your presence...
assures me;
of your endless love

You quieten my very soul


The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. After the fire came a gentle whisper. I Kings 19:11-12 NIV




Thursday, August 16, 2018

comfortable in my own skin...

My newest endeavor, substitute teaching. Its been a long time since I applied for a job. Thirty-five years. Things have changed; application four pages long, drug test, fingerprints. My husband is going to try this too. I say try. After being retired for three years, the thought of getting up early and going to work seems a little scary. Anyway, here we go.We went to get our fingerprints yesterday. She did my thumb print first and then my four fingers together. Right hand then left. Then, I had to roll my thumb and each finger separately. Starting with my thumb, the message came across the screen on the computer, "print cannot be found." I knew that was impossible because I had just done my fingerprints. But, nevertheless, I had to do both thumbs and 8 fingers a total of 3 times each. That's thirty rolls, all because it kept saying, "fingerprint can't be found." The lady that was doing the prints said, "Your fingers are very wrinkled." "You must do a lot of work." We laughed.  She said, "Your fingerprints look like an interstate going across them." I asked her what if the Florida Department of Law Enforcement didn't accept them? She told me that this happens occasionally and they usually do. Kinda strange I thought... it really doesn't matter if they like them or not, they are my fingerprints and there is nothing I can do about that. My husband jumped up there and breezed right through it.  It's funny how the smallest things can make you feel insecure. It does me. It  feeds that little bit of self-doubt that is always standing close by. That voice that says. "See you don't measure up." "You're not good enough." I thought about an experience that happened to me when I had just graduated high school and was entering college. Still young, immature, wet behind the ears. We had to go through an orientation class and we were doing a questionnaire to see what interested us. After I finished mine, I remember the person telling me that it couldn't be scored because there were too many conflicting answers. In other words, I had no idea what I wanted to do. That wasn't such a big deal. But, what it really did was, feed into my self-doubt that I had no idea who I really was. That was a slap in my face. It's true that I grew up trying to please everyone. Thought that was what I was suppose to do. Always smile. Never show my true feelings. I tried hard at school to be well-liked. I was pretty successful. My social status was extremely important. Far more important than my academic one. I grew up in a home where my parents were total opposites. My daddy an extrovert, charismatic, loud and loved people. Mama on the other hand; quieter, yet warm and friendly. My sister and I fell in between somewhere. I remember my sister telling me that she was very out-going when she was young.  I was very out-going when I was younger too. People often told me I was like my daddy. I'm not sure when it happened though, but somehow through the years I feel like I turned into my mother. I like so many of the same things that she does. We both like the early morning. That is my favorite time with my mother. Talking over a cup of hot coffee. I still remember growing up, getting up early and walking into our living room and there she sat in the same chair every morning, wrapped up in a blanket, reading her bible. Although in a new house now, she still has a favorite chair, a cup of coffee, and her bible. I love my early morning devotional time too. I don't think I have ever seen a more disciplined person than my mother. She has exercised her whole life. Being a physical education teacher has helped. But, even today, she gets up before daylight and goes to the local hospital to walk. I have never been very disciplined. The strangest thing happened to me though when I retired, I wanted to get healthy; eat better and exercise. What a role model she has been! Mama and I both enjoy our flower garden.  I still remember the vase of flowers that she so creatively helped me put together for the Garden Club.  I was probably around 12 years old. It was definitely mama that gave me the bug. I love my flowers. We both love the seasons and holidays; can't wait for fall each year which is our absolute favorite season and Christmas our favorite holiday. Even today, mama loves to decorate her house for each season. Her dining room table laden with rabbits and pastel colors for Easter and turkeys and pumpkins for the fall. At 87 she can't wait to get her Christmas tree put up and all 10 stockings hung from the mantel; one for each great grandchild. Oh wait! With our new addition to the family, my precious little grandson, she will have 11 this year. She has a wreath for every occasion (sometimes as big as her door) and outdoor garden flags to boot.  I love her over-the-top enthusiasm for decorating!  A little rubbed off on me. Snuggling up to a warm, cozy, wood burning fireplace is my very favorite.  I'm sure all because of the many, many days I warmed up to hers and daddy's. But, for mama, it was a must! Although I enjoy people like my daddy did, I find that my favorite place is in the solitude of my own home; just like my mama. But, you know, it doesn't really matter who I took after, the most important thing is, I feel comfortable in my own "wrinkled" skin. The first thing that popped into my head yesterday when the lady had trouble getting my fingerprints was the verse... "you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." I might be a little insecure at times. I might have more wrinkles on my fingers than most.  But, one thing I know without a doubt... You have always known me. And You have always loved me. Thank you Father God!

That's the most important thing πŸ’—

sammie jean

Saturday, July 28, 2018

a summer full of surprises

These days life has become a lot more simple. My prayer has become; help me say, do, and be what brings you honor and glory. It really seems to be the main thing that matters. As I sit and ponder...I can only feel gratitude. Gratitude for my family. God's special gift to us. He loves family. We spent two wonderful weeks with our granddaughter in the mountains. There were a few highlights; white water rafting in the Nantahala River. I wish I could have recorded her constant excitement behind me. Horseback riding along the edge of the mountain. Our guide said, "She's just a natural." Climbing to the top of Bell Mountain. "Come on Ammie, climb to the top with me." Memories forever etched in my mind. But, it's those small things; her first Yahtzee, feeding treats to the neighbors dog on the back porch, holding her small hand in church and just talking about life that seem to grab hold of my heartstrings the most when I think about it ❤













It did bring back memories though of growing up in the icy cold creek water while white water rafting. At one point, we pulled over to a white bottom sandbar, turned the raft over and jumped into the 48 degree water. It honestly took my breath away it was so cold.  Our granddaughter couldn't believe we did it. She didn't realize that we had done that our whole life. I explained, "We had a huge oak tree beside the creek that had a rope hanging from it that we jumped from." Her eyes wide open πŸ‘€ "You did!". I think pawpaw and I grew a little larger in her eyes that day ⌣


My son reached over and handed me the most precious little bundle I have held in quite a while. Our grandson. So proud of mom and dad...they were quite the team. Just a little over a 5 pound bag of sugar. Just as much sweetness, for sure. We were expecting him shortly upon our arrival home...not the very next day though. I know without a doubt it was the best welcome home gift I have ever received ❤

.


So thankful for so many things...family, cabin get-away in the mountains, breath, life...all because of the constant love of the Father. Many days this summer were spent on the back porch. My favorite place to be these days. Just basking in the love of Jesus. Alone a lot. But, sometimes rocking with my husband. Funny how we have turned into "old people." Talking about the humming birds 🐦 Seems like it happened over night. I often say, "I wish I had of known what I know now." It's wonderful to be older though; smarter, more secure, satisfied. I'll take it any day. πŸ‘§πŸ‘ΆπŸ’•πŸ 


sammie jean

Friday, June 1, 2018

a gentle whisper...



 I was raised in a loud family. It brings a smile to my face when I think about us.  When we all get together everyone tries to talk at the same time. No one really has the floor to speak. If you want to be heard you just have to be louder than everyone else. I thought that was just the way all families were until I married my husband. No! Not at all. They talk so calm and quiet. My sister and I were raised by a very loud daddy. Our mother the total opposite. My daddy loved being the center of attention. He was passionate about everything he did; coaching, administrator, or even on the floor of the House of Representatives in the state capitol. Even if he was just talking to his neighbor, he had a way of drawing you in. So much charisma. Mama tells stories about how she and daddy sold pots and pans when they first got married, a salesman for sure. It didn't matter what it was, he was good at it. Well, I have a little bit of him in me. I have always done things to try to get everybody's attention. I don't know if I got that from my daddy or because I am the baby of the family. Probably both. I always tried to make my mother and sister laugh, for attention. I loved being a cheerleader all the way through school. I gave speeches in front of large assemblies. I sang solo's at church. I enjoyed being front and center. Things started changing for me when I was around 30 years old. I became a little more reserved and I started not enjoying the attention as much. Well, maybe, still a little when I am around my mother and sister. You know old habits are hard to break ⌣
 Circumstances in life have a way of taking the wind out of your sails. I'm pretty sure that happened to me. I was disappointed with how my life had turned out and I felt that everyone else was too. I was sure that God was disappointed in me. I remember years later when I started cleaning our church for a little extra money, I spent the time praying as well. It was during those years that I realized that I had His attention. I didn't need an audience, applause, or accolades of any kind. I didn't need any one else. I sang and danced to an audience of one. He truly satisfied my soul. I had never been that content in my lifetime. I actually realized how much He loved me. He wasn't disappointed in me at all. I have been reading the old testament lately and I came across this scripture. I knew the scripture but this time it really came alive for me. I started thinking about how in the past I had done things for attention. How I really wanted to be seen and I wanted to be heard. I became so ashamed of myself and how prideful I had been. If I had of only known at that time how worldly attention paled in comparison to the master of the universe and the lover of my soul watching over me. Don't get me wrong, there are still seasons in my life that I get a little loud for attention. I might not like what is going on, so I cry, shout, and stomp my feet. I know He doesn't really mind though. He understands me. He knows that I will eventually come and just lay it at His feet in surrender. Sometimes it just takes a little time. I know though, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I do, He will quieten my storm. There is nothing else in the world like His calming presence. It is like an early morning spring shower. This spring when we were in our cabin in the mountains, in the wee hours of the morning, I could hear the pitter-patter of rain outside my window. It would sometimes awaken me but I would lie there so peaceful and safe in my cozy, warm bed. By sunrise when I got up and went on the porch to look across the yard I could see tiny little raindrops glisten on the tender vegetation as the sun peeked through the towering oaks. Still surrender. It was as if I could hear Him say in a calming, gentle whisper, "I see you and I love you."

 I love this scripture so, so much. The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  After the fire came a gentle whisper.
      I Kings 19:11-12 NIV   

sammie jean ❤

Saturday, May 19, 2018

you can't judge a table by its glass...

As we drove by the antique store, I saw it sitting outside. An aqua blue, wrought iron chairs and glass top table. The chairs had little flower cushions in them. It was different for sure. I thought it was really cute. It wasn't "cabiny" at all. I didn't really want that rustic look this time. I thought it would add an interesting touch to our back porch. I didn't say anything the first time I saw it. I'm a thinker. A planner. So, I have to get things right in my mind before I tell my husband about it. I want to think that God has taught me this little piece of patience. We passed by it several more times and finally I told hubby that I liked it. If I tell him I like something he will try his darn level best to get it. So, I better be sure. We didn't go immediately, but a week or so later we stopped by to check on it. It was still there. As I got out of the car, I immediately went over to get a closer look. I ran my hands across the table. As I did, I saw some discoloring on one side of the table. You know that foggy look that glass gets when it is old. I put some spit on my finger and ran it across the glass to see if it was just dirty. I did it again going over the top and underneath. No it wasn't just dirty, it was discolored. As I walked into the store I told the man that I was interested in the table and chairs but that there was a problem with the glass. "Yes," he said. "I tried to clean that off when I first got it." "Make me an offer," he continued. We looked around the store. As we left, he walked out to the table and chairs, pondering for a few minutes, he came off the asking price. He even told us he could deliver it. That was the real deal maker because we didn't have a way of getting it home. A few days later he arrived with our painted blue wrought iron cutie. A chair at a time and then the big glass top table; we put it into place on the porch. I had a candle all ready to place in the middle of the table. Perfect! I loved it! It certainly added the little bit of charm I was looking for. The candle was quickly removed though, because my husband, the perfectionist that he is, had already gone to the hardware store to purchase ceramic, glass cleaner. Sure enough, he started pretty quickly trying to get the glass clean. He even bought razor blades to scrape it. He was certain that he could get it clean. He scrubbed and scraped. Remember that sound kids make when they scratch their fingernails down a chalkboard? Well maybe your too young. Oh well, anyway, it will make your skin crawl. After almost an hour he said, "It looks like I'm not going to be able to get it off." "It's okay," I assured him. "It doesn't have to be perfect," I re-assured him (and me.) "It's okay if it is flawed," I said. "Everything and everyone has flaws." "Yes, we do," he agreed. He continued to wipe a little. I could tell it was hard for him to give up on it. We're really different, my husband and I, yet alike too. We both think outside of the box, just usually at opposite ends of it. I had already planned in my mind the color of place mats to use on the table. "We'll just cover that spot up," I thought. He told me again that he was sorry that he wasn't able to get it clean. He had bought it for me and couldn't stand that it wasn't just right. I love that about him. As I sat on the porch and watched him clean, I started thinking about imperfections in my own life. I thought about how about twenty-one years ago my husband at the time and I took our seven year old daughter to a large hospital out of town to have laser surgery done to remove the port wine stain on her cheek. I found out about the surgery and since it was considered a birth defect, insurance would cover it. We took her several times and it was quite painful for her. She said that it felt like grease popping on her face. The surgeon said that the next time that we did it, we needed to put her asleep because of the pain. I didn't want to do that. But, we left it up to her. It was her choice. I will never forget her saying. "I don't want to do it anymore." "Just leave it like it is. It's a part of me." Wow! Straight from the mouth of babes. I had never looked at it like that. I had in my mind that it wasn't suppose to be there. We needed to have it removed. Thank you daughter for teaching me a valuable lesson that day.  Recently, my friends and I got together at the beach. We try to do that at least once a year. I wanted to make something special for them. They are life-long friends. Those kind of friends that you literally only have "once in a lifetime." We have a lot of things in common but one thing we have in common is we have been through a lot of "trying experiences," that left a few scars. The most amazing thing though is that each one is a beautiful reminder of God's faithfulness to us. These are not just ordinary women to me they are virtuous women. Women that I love very much. I painted the scripture out of Proverbs 31 on a canvas, "She is worth far more than rubies." One for each one of them. After I finished one, I noticed that I had filled in all of the "f" rather than kept the loop open. It didn't look bad. It just looked different than the other two. I decided to let them just pick a gift bag rather than me giving it to them. In that way, I left it up to God. Well, sure enough the friend that I felt in my heart I wanted to give it to, picked it. She texted me days later and told me, "I just love it." I told her the story how I wanted her to have it, but left it up to Him. She understood perfectly. I knew she would ♡ There is something so special about being broken open and then allowing Jesus to piece you back together again. Every scar, every flaw, every wrinkle, every limp, every little bitty piece of imperfection, is there for a reason. I love that even our own mistakes will serve a purpose in His kingdom; nothing ever wasted. Each one are lessons learned and character made stronger. It is a reminder of His love for us; every single day. He doesn't make mistakes. So, how could I ever view an imperfection as anything other than absolutely beautiful? You know the old saying, you can't judge a book by its cover?  Well...you can't judge a table by its glass either πŸ’•

sammie jean

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Poem



Old Camp Town
Ode to an old campground in the sixties


I remember our vacation
(When I was a child)
Every summer was a must;
We hit the road, loaded down,
Carolina bound or bust

 Campground in the Blue Ridge
Enormous summer fun;
Our little haven standing still,
Awaiting our return

The mountain side steep trails
  laden with brown crispy leaves;
The oaks standing proud and tall
rope swing swaying in the breeze

Pulled my pants up to wade the
icy cold stream;
“Last one in is a rotten egg,”
 the water hole was our dream

This stone is right where I left it
It’s granite, I was told;
Stone terraces all around us
 such beauty to behold

Campfire blazing, marsh mellows roasting,
Scary stories before bed;
My favorite one of all the tales,
The Horseman with No Head

Oh, the memories…
though not mine;
Are calling my name,
there etched in time

  They speak to me,
not sure how...
 I wasn't there then,
But, I am NOW!

Sammie Jean
Poem written for our cabin in NC

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

it's not just a cabin

"I'm not fixing the creak in the screen door," he said. My husband is such a "fix-it" man that it kinda surprised me to hear him say that. "It reminds me of the door we had in our house when I was a little boy," he continued. I could relate. The creaking noise reminded me of the door on my grandparent's front porch too. The way the screen door hits the wood frame when you let it go. It's an annoying gratifying kind of sound. Every time I hear it, I become ten years old and back on my grandparent's porch near Hard Labor Creek. There's just so much about our little red cabin on Red Bird Lane in the mountains of North Carolina that reminds us of our past. Even the red bird brings back memories for us. It's not that I grew up in a cabin. It's not that my husband did either. We both grew up in a 60's style home. But, we love the "feel"; it's homey, warm and cozy.  Everywhere we look is a heart's desire that we have had over the years; things that only God could have known. Living in the mountains has been a dream of ours, (mine mostly). I would say for at least forty years. I'll never forget one morning I got up and turned on my computer and this property was the first thing that I saw. It just came out of no where. We asked our realtor to show it to us. He didn't know anything about it because it belonged to another realty company. I think it was almost the last house we looked at on our two week journey for a cabin. We loved the ride into the cabin as much as the house itself; the mountain range, low valleys, pruned vineyard, green pastures, playful horses, grazing cows, bubbly streams, little wooden bridges, so so pretty. We turned onto Old Camp Town and as we climbed the mountain, not too far up, there it was, right smack dab in the middle of an old campground. The stone-terraced walls all around the property were picturesque. I couldn't help but think about how long it must have taken to build each one; each rock strategically placed.   I could almost hear the children's voices echoing outside; "Here dad use this stone. It's a pretty one." My husband has a barn up on the hill and I even have a little "craft" building. Just perfect for the two of us.When we get tired of each other we will have a place to go πŸ’• My little building was actual the building used to take up the money as the guest arrived at the campground. So much history. And in the middle of all this nostalgia...our little cabin. It was truly love at first sight. In the campgrounds "hay day" it was the bath house. It was remodeled but they kept the authentic orange pottery-style tiles in the bathroom and kitchen. The floor to ceiling stone fireplace in the living room was definitely the first thing I loved about the inside of the cabin. It was made with stones from outside. In fact the same stones that the terraced walls were made of. This is the first fireplace that I have ever had of my own. I know this sounds a little eccentric, but the first couple of nights that we stayed in our cabin, the fire had not gone out when it was time for us to go to bed. I told my husband I was going to stay up a little longer. The truth was that I couldn't stand to waste one ounce of that beautiful fire burning in the living room with me in the bed not seeing it. So, I watched it until there was nothing left but ashes and soot. It reminded me of when I was just married and my children were small, I would go to mama's and daddy's house and sit on the hearth as the fire blazed hot against my back. No matter what was going on in my life it seemed as if all was right with the world at that moment. A fire in a fireplace has that kind of effect on me. Our cabin was left furnished which was part of our deal with the sellers. We knew they would be leaving some goodies because we saw them in the house. But, there are some real treasures. Cabinets in the kitchen made with glass panes in the front. I remember asking my ex-husband when we built our home if I could have them in our kitchen. Don't remember exactly what he said but it was something like; they cost too much. Well, for whatever reason I didn't get them. There's this authentic wind-up phone on the wall that caught my husbands attention immediately.  As we plundered inside the phone, we saw all the working parts; an original Stromberg-Carlson. Whoever he is. It's definitely an antique. My husband was overwhelmed by it though. Not sure if it's because of his love for the things of the past or because of his career with the phone company. Whichever it is, he is in love. It's definitely a keeper. They left a lot of pictures on the walls; the ducks on the pond remind my husband of his wonderful mother and her love for ducks. I hung it in the hallway where he can see it from his chair. And the picture of the girl desperately climbing up the hill, longing for home. I loved it so much that I hung it over our bed. They also left old furniture; beds, a wooden chest, and a few other pieces. On the back porch are wooden rocking chairs. There is nothing else like rocking in a rocking chair on the porch. We have a beautiful view of the mountains in the distance and I hear water bubbling in the brook next door as it makes it way down the mountain to its final destination, a little pond. It was the swimming hole for the campers. When we were in town I found a hand-painted wooden plaque to put on my porch; Linger Longer. If I had a motto that would be mine. There is nothing in life that I enjoy doing more than just taking my time and really enjoying the moment. Whether it be rocking on the porch with a cup of coffee and quiet time with Jesus, watching the sunset at the beach with my mother and sister, having a dinner by the lake with my husband or sitting around the campfire with family and friends. Whatever it may be, it just seems to get better with the lingering. Our North Carolina friends were the first couple to have dinner with us in our new home. They were the perfect couple to help us christen it.  Everything about our first stay in our little home was perfect. Well almost everything, except for one little thing.  I  call it the, "demon of the microwave." The microwave left in the home was not working. So, we took it to the barn along with other things we didn't want or need. We went to Wal-mart and purchased a larger, nicer, microwave the next day. The next morning my husband went to warm up his egg, ham, and cheese biscuit only to discover the microwave came on but wouldn't get warm. We toted that microwave around the house to several different outlets. It still didn't work. We figured it had to be an electrical problem since it was a brand new one. I was ready to lay my hands on it and pray for it. We happened to mention to the Fire Chief that we ran into the next day that we were having microwave problems. He said that he would think about someone that might could help us. Next morning bright an early someone appeared at our door. Who might it be but an electrician. He was definitely a Godsend. Not only did he check out the electricity coming into our house but fixed our hot water heater element, which had totally burned into, which could have easily caused a fire. He fixed our ice maker, kitchen sink faucet, and replaced two new plugs in the bathroom. He found no problem with our electricity. A neighbor came by the next day and took both microwaves to his house just to see if they would work. They didn't. Never heard of it before, but our brand new microwave was torn up. We decided to go to a small store downtown where we purchased a much smaller microwave and finally... it worked!!!!  No, it's not the fanciest home. It doesn't have the best view in the mountains. It doesn't even have a little bridge out front that crosses a bubbling brook. Actually, it's a small little cabin in the middle of an old campground, full of history, nevertheless. It's not just a cabin though ...it's the cabin of our dreams...the one God picked out just for us. We might have "wondered around" a little in our life, but like the girl in the picture that hangs over our bed, we are finally home πŸ’‘

sammie jean