true love

 You might think I am on a soapbox. And, I might just possibly be. That's what happens when it's raining outside and you are stuck inside a camper. This morning I read a devotion about how the world is busy trying to do all kinds of things, politically and socially. They are doing it for the right reason but, the message that goes out is one of hate. I don't think hate can ever be dressed up. You can try and paint a pretty picture.  Wrap it up and put a beautiful bow on it. It can flow off your tongue like honey. Silky as satin. It doesn't matter how it is masqueraded, it will always be hate. There is only one antidote for hate and that is love the article stated. True love. Sometime we set out with our own agendas and try and attach Jesus' name to it like that will make it alright. I don't think that Jesus is interested in our "busy work". And I'm pretty sure he knows when we are hiding behind it. You know Adam and Eve did the very same thing in the garden. They were never ashamed of their nakedness until they sinned. Then what did they want to do? Hide. Rather than just coming out in the open and confess what they were really doing, they wanted to hide. We all do that from time to time.  I know I do. We hide behind our projects, our committees, our church attendance, you name it. It just makes us feel better about ourselves. 

It was a great article for me because I've been challenged to choose love a lot lately. It seems that everywhere I turn Holy Spirit is teaching me a lesson of "less of me and more of Him." I kept having a little confrontation with someone at work. What I said seemed to have upset the other person. I knew it did. I'm the kind of person that after I've said it, I want to take it back. Or try to pretend that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. Well, after this particular incident, I immediately became broken. I started praying and asked Jesus why this seems to happen to me. His response was immediate. They just need to feel important. Like everyone, they want to be noticed. I immediately understood. When i put someone else's needs above my own, that is love. That sounds simple enough. And on a good day I can probably do that. But, on a day that my self-esteem isn't as perky, and my pride is a little too prideful, it's another matter all together. I just need to be noticed too!

 I've loved this quote for a long time. “How I treat a brother or sister from day to day, how I react to the sin-scarred wino on the street, how I respond to interruptions from people I dislike, how I deal with normal people in their normal confusion on a normal day may be a better indication of my reverence for life than the antiabortion sticker on the bumper of my car.”*  It speaks volumes to me. Now, don't get me wrong. I choose life. An anti-abortion sticker on my car is not a bad thing. It's just that life gets messy. I think how I deal with the messes says so much more about what is really in my heart. The question I ask myself is this. Am I really "all in"? Or am I trying real hard to just "look good."? 

 I just recently watched the new film, "Unplanned." It is a biographical movie about Abby Johnson, who after running a very successful Planned Parenthood Clinic was asked to actually help with an abortion on a day that they were short-staffed. It opened her eyes and heart forever. The theme that prevailed in that movie was one of love. Love in action. I must say it opened my eyes and heart. I've got to do so much more than put a bumper sticker on my car (or a bible verse on social media).

I can't hide behind anything! Whether it appears to look good or not.

God always knows my heart ♥ 

sammie jean

  If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. I Corinthians 13: 1-3

* Brennan Manning's the Ragamuffin Gospel.

 unworthy
in filthy rags
 broken down
 confused
i look for love
in the wrong places
 attention i seek
 from ones that
have none to give

i need to be accepted
 please glance my way
speak to me
whatever you have
i will take
it's better than
nothing at all
i will settle...
 for less

my daughter...
 he calls me
he speaks my name
you are my beloved
 i desire to be yours
i listen
i hear

his call is softly spoken
 his love quickly felt
all my shame
 melts on the floor
all fear
 runs out the door
 i need you

just to touch your nail scarred hands
you will make me white as snow
just to touch the hem of your garment
i know
that i will be saved
healed

my tears wash your feet
i will never leave
this place
it's like no other
not condemning
or intrusive
 guilt
or pain

 i trust you
perfect peace
I will never settle for less
never again...
i will search
 no longer
there will never be
the whole world over

a love that compares to yours

praying for all the young girls in this world that have settled for less

sammie jean
2/15/20

and it rained...

 We finally arrived at our mountain home.  I open the creaking screen door. It seems to always say "welcome back." After a quick glance around the room to make sure everything is in place, I walk straight to the front porch. I look over our acre. Tall oak trees that reach far into the heavens. Every single leaf has fallen to its resting place on the forest floor. Not one single leaf is left. I love the winter. Everything is in black and white. Something mysteriously beautiful about it. It's raining. I stare at the water droplets on the bare branches. They look like millions of white pearls strung together, glistening as small rays of sun smile on them. Even though it is dreary and cold, we are cozy inside. The rain is a blessing.  My husband can't get out and rake leaves. One thing for sure, the leaves will be waiting on him.Thinking about raking leaves makes me think of when I was younger. My daddy would make my sister and I rake leaves. If she were telling this story, she would say, "I hated when daddy made us rake leaves. I did all the raking, while my sister played." I can hear her now.  I am not going to deny it. She would be telling the truth. I got away with way too much! When it was time to work, I conveniently found something else to do. When it was time to wash dishes, my sister would say,"Where is Sammie Jean?" My mother would interject. "She had to go to the bathroom." They would laugh. The way I saw it was, just the joy of being the baby, I guess. I can grant you my sister didn't see it that way though.

 As I sit in my cozy chair, our first night in our cabin, all bundled up watching tv the lights start to flicker. The first time we saw the flicker, my husband uttered, "I need to change the bulb in this light." Then, it happened again. You know the cliche, the third time is a charm. It was. The lights went out. I quickly jumped up to light candles. I went over to get the kerosene lamp from the wall. The wick had fallen down into the kerosene. Too late to fix this. What does a man do when the lights go out? He goes and gets his trusty flashlight. The second thing he did though, was just what I had thought about for months in Florida. He built a fire in the fireplace. Being the helpless romantic that I am, I thought... it doesn't get any better than this. Lights out, fire in the fireplace.... I know it doesn’t sound very romantic but for the next two hours he snuggled in his chair and I snuggled in mine.  I could hear the wind as it blew through the trees. It seemed to say, "rrrreeeessssttttt." Those were welcoming words to me. Although my husband wasn't quite as eager to do that. He conceded. Almost all of the first week it rained and the second week temperatures went down into the teens. It was just too cold to get out, so we stayed inside. We read. We read about Jeremiah and his daunting task to once again try and restore Israel back to God. I thought about how familiar it sounded. Even though we live in the most blessed country in the world, sin has become very common-place.  Mothers kill their unborn babies, simply because they are an inconvenience to them. It is a "feel good" culture, basically. You do what, "feels good." Never submitting to anyone else. And, even though Christian's still go to church on Sunday morning, they enter in and look to see if there is a monitor in the foyer to protect them. The bible verse in Luke comes to mind, to whom much is given, much will be required. Oh, God, have mercy on us. We have been so blessed but yet we have turned our backs on you.

 We watched movies. A lot of movies. We watched the Hunger Games. All four. We watched love stories like Hope Floats and Under the Tuscan Sun. I just love it that my husband will watch mushy love movies with me. We watched HGTV too. We're pretty sure that we have it all down now; how to build a house and how to decorate it. We'll see. I made Chicken Fajita Soup with fried tortilla's on top. It was so good that we ate it for two solid days. One morning, I was up real early. I drank coffee and ate peanut butter toast, read my devotion and prayed. Just at daylight, I looked out the window and a couple of things caught my attention as they fell to the ground. At first I thought it looked like a leaf, but then remembered that there were no leaves on the trees. I got up, walked out on the porch and to my astonishment it was snow flurries. The little girl came out in me and I flew out into the yard. Robe, slippers and all and danced around with my face held high toward the heavens. "I will wash your sins as white as snow," it seemed I heard.  It was my very own little miracle. It didn't last long. But, I felt like He had done it just for me. 

We had a fire in the fireplace every night. One day, all day and all night. I turned my chair to get as close as I possibly could by the fireplace to feel its warmth. It seemed to warm my very soul. Glancing, occasionally, at Greg, just two and half feet away.  Making eye contact, we smiled and he made those quick "kissy" motions with his lips. I made them back. Then he would always say, "I can't move my lips as fast as you do." We laughed. This might be close to perfect, I thought. I don't think that when the Carpenters sang, "rainy days and Mondays always get me down,” they had ever stayed in their pj's all day long, snuggled in a warm, cozy chair in front of a fire in the fireplace, watching it rain, with the one you love. There is absolutely nothing depressing about that. 💗

sammie jean

Append 08/19/24 

The sweetest memories. I am so thankful that I wrote them down. Ever more sweeter now.

This was written 23 days before my precious husband passed from this life into eternity with Jesus.