a gentle whisper...

 I was raised in a loud family. It brings a smile to my face when I think about us.  When we all get together everyone tries to talk at the same time. No one really has the floor to speak. If you want to be heard you just have to be louder than everyone else. I thought that was just the way all families were until I married my husband. No! Not at all. They talk so calm and quiet. My sister and I were raised by a very loud daddy. Our mother the total opposite. My daddy loved being the center of attention. He was passionate about everything he did; coaching, administrator, or even on the floor of the House of Representatives in the state capitol. Even if he was just talking to his neighbor, he had a way of drawing you in. So much charisma. Mama tells stories about how she and daddy sold pots and pans when they first got married, a salesman for sure. It didn't matter what it was, he was good at it. Well, I have a little bit of him in me. I have always done things to try to get everybody's attention. I don't know if I got that from my daddy or because I am the baby of the family. Probably both. I always tried to make my mother and sister laugh, for attention. I loved being a cheerleader all the way through school. I gave speeches in front of large assemblies. I sang solo's at church. I enjoyed being front and center. Things started changing for me when I was around 30 years old. I became a little more reserved and I started not enjoying the attention as much. Well, maybe, still a little when I am around my mother and sister. You know old habits are hard to break ⌣
 Circumstances in life have a way of taking the wind out of your sails. I'm pretty sure that happened to me. I was disappointed with how my life had turned out and I felt that everyone else was too. I was sure that God was disappointed in me. I remember years later when I started cleaning our church for a little extra money, I spent the time praying as well. It was during those years that I realized that I had His attention. I didn't need an audience, applause, or accolades of any kind. I didn't need any one else. I sang and danced to an audience of one. He truly satisfied my soul. I had never been that content in my lifetime. I actually realized how much He loved me. He wasn't disappointed in me at all. I have been reading the old testament lately and I came across this scripture. I knew the scripture but this time it really came alive for me. I started thinking about how in the past I had done things for attention. How I really wanted to be seen and I wanted to be heard. I became so ashamed of myself and how prideful I had been. If I had of only known at that time how worldly attention paled in comparison to the master of the universe and the lover of my soul watching over me. Don't get me wrong, there are still seasons in my life that I get a little loud for attention. I might not like what is going on, so I cry, shout, and stomp my feet. I know He doesn't really mind though. He understands me. He knows that I will eventually come and just lay it at His feet in surrender. Sometimes it just takes a little time. I know though, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I do, He will quieten my storm. There is nothing else in the world like His calming presence. It is like an early morning spring shower. This spring when we were in our cabin in the mountains, in the wee hours of the morning, I could hear the pitter-patter of rain outside my window. It would sometimes awaken me but I would lie there so peaceful and safe in my cozy, warm bed. By sunrise when I got up and went on the porch to look across the yard I could see tiny little raindrops glisten on the tender vegetation as the sun peeked through the towering oaks. Still surrender. It was as if I could hear Him say in a calming, gentle whisper, "I see you and I love you."

 I love this scripture so, so much. The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  After the fire came a gentle whisper.
      I Kings 19:11-12 NIV   

sammie jean ❤