Retirement...what can I say? When people ask me how I like retirement I feel like I have to say some grand statement like, "Oh I absolutely love it!" Honestly, I am having to adjust to the whole thing. I'm not saying it isn't good but it takes a lot of getting use to. Someone asked me the other day what I have been up to and I replied, "Life is pretty simple and quiet right now. It can be a little boring at times, but you know boring isn't all bad." Sounds all philosophical doesn't it?
I started thinking about that statement. "It can be a little boring at times." In fact, I thought about it a whole lot because that is what I do. As I pondered, God changed my heart and He helped me see it in a different light. Yes, things are quiet, even a little mundane at times and I'm not busy travelling around the world. But on the flip side I don't have to get up at 5:30 to get ready to go to work either. I don't have a lot of appointments and busy schedules I have to keep. What He wanted me to see was: it's not about being busy or not being busy that makes this season so special...what makes it special is, it's the season of His rest, resting in His perfect plan for my life. I have begun to see now how He has quietened my soul. He has quietened many of the voices around me. I can hear His voice more clearer and I think for the very first time in my life, I can actual hear my own voice. My authentic self. The self that God created me to be in the first place.
I just got through rereading a book entitled "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado. I read it a long time ago but it just didn't click like it does today. I didn't realize all the baggage that I was carrying around. Some baggage of my own doing and some baggage from others whom I had allowed to drag me down. When I look back, I don't know how I was walking around. I was carrying suitcases of worry, fear, guilt, pride, loneliness, shame, envy, doubt, arrogance, disappointment, grief, discontentment, weariness...it makes me tired just naming them. To add to the list, I was caring way too much about what others thought of me. At times, more than what God thought of me. Now I don't mean to imply that I am completely free of all these burdens but something is definitely different.
The thought came to me how for the first time in 37 years someone else was not depending on me. I mean really depending on me. My kids are self sufficient. And my grandchildren are depending on their mom (and she has someone reliable that she can depend on) rather than depending on me. I can also see how they are starting to have a stronger relationship with God and depending more on Him. I didn't realize how much baggage I was carrying around. Not only my own stuff that I have been dragging around since my childhood, but my children's and grandchildren's stuff too. All I can say is, " I Praise you Lord Jesus for lightening my load."
God has a perfect plan...it just takes a little longer for some of us to see it. You definitely don't have to wait until you retire to experience it. I have just a small nugget of advice; Surrender your life totally to your loving Heavenly Father and His perfect plan for your life. Don't argue with God about whether this is His will or not. He is sovereign. The song that I learned to sing in my valley experiences are His songs and they are the dearest to me. How could I ever question whether they were God's will or not when it was during this time that I learned the most about who He really is and who I am in Him. Secondly, teach your children to depend on God. You can't fix everything for them and you wouldn't want to if you could. They should realize at a young age that He is their ultimate source in life. Even in their valley experiences they will learn to sing the song that He wants to teach them. It will be their favorite song for a lifetime.
I want to share with you Psalm 23 (NKJV) His perfect rest.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake,
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For you are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil.
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.
Thank you Lord for readjusting my attitude and showing me your goodness once more. Your perspective on every matter in my life is the right one, Thank you for showing me that "it's not boredom", it's your perfect rest...resting in knowing who you are. It's the peace that passes all understanding. So, when you ask me about retirement I might just reply, "I'm enjoying God's rest." There is nothing else in this world like it!
Living Loved,
Sammie Jean
